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  • Writer's pictureDJ and Lorrie Harry

5 Laws to Effective Marital Communication

According to a recent study, 67.5% of marriages that ended did so primarily due to communication problems. It was not often one big argument...rather it was the daily frustration that builds when we fail to communicate Biblically and effectively.

Communication often falls apart with the daily frustrations that occur when small things aren't dealt with properly. In other words, most communication failures stem from how we communicate when we are hurt.

  1. You can ignore it

  2. You can suppress it

  3. ...Or you can deal with it - which can be a helpful process that strengthens your marriage...or very hurtful (depending on how you deal with it)!

Positive Marital Communication is not sunshine, unicorns and rainbow bubbles. Rather, it is communicating in a way that brings your spouse into the conversation so that it encourages them to respond Biblically.

Negative Communication, on the other hand, encourages an unBiblical response.

In other words, how you choose to communicate with your spouse can either set them up to understand and respond to you Biblically, or can set them up to respond in a hurtful fashion. While you can't make your spouse respond Biblically, if you follow these 5 Law to Effective Marital Communication you will be more likely to reach into the heart of your spouse!

5 Laws to Effective Marital Communication

1. Time and Place

-good communication takes time...not time on the clock, but time set aside to talk

-go for a walk, sitting on the front porch, go out and get coffee

-pick your time and place carefully if you want to encourage effective communication with your spouse

2. Words

-be intentional, careful with words

-we and I...not you statements...they tend to be accusatory

3. Non-verbal communication

-It is estimated that with emotional face-to-face conversations, up to 93 percent of communication is non-verbal.

-facial expressions, gestures, loudness or tone of voice, body language, personal space, eye gaze, touch

4. Listen

-Be an intentional listener...choose to listen without interruptions!

-Don't just hear what your spouse is saying, hear it with your heart.

5. Trust

-Trust your spouse's intentions.

-Understand that every person has a different perspective on every situation.

While you can't guarantee that communication with your spouse will always be positive, by following these 5 rules of communication you can put your spouse in the position to understand your heart and respond Biblically!

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